Protection & The Incredible Hulk
In the past, I had a guard up around my heart. Once in a while, it attempts to creep back if I am paying attention. My particular concrete guard of choice was in the form of rock hard shoulders, neck and upper back. The impenetrable defense comparable only to Incredible Hulk or Mr. T’s shoulders. I was under the impression that if I kept my body just so, no one could hurt me because my tough exterior would stop them in their tracks. But go figure, through all the defensive posturing, I still got my feelings hurt. Sometimes the hurt was big or small, but no matter how I positioned my body, it would still come kicking in my front door like a crazed wildebeest.
I went to massage or physical therapists in the hopes of somehow finding relief. I never really understood why nothing was working - not even a high-powered Theragun. When I recognized how I positioned my body, always waiting to thwart an attack, it dawned on me that sometimes we are all our own worst enemies. My mind prepared for the oncoming battalion, and my body just followed the direction. I imagine my body said to my mind, “Sure, I can do that solid for you, but just for the record, it isn’t going to work.” I remained in a state of fight or flight to a potential physical, emotional or spiritual upheaval so I stayed hypervigilant.
Then after a focused year of healing, I finally put two and two together that the source was mind and body. Sure, I had read the “Body Keeps The Score” but at the time, I didn’t think the book applied to me. Our bodies and mind are constantly in sync whether it be good or bad - keeping us moving forward or firmly stuck.
I was determined to get those bricks off of my shoulders when I finally understood the origin was past trauma. I went to an acupuncturist and worked on being fully present in the way I was interacting with the world. Here’s the rub - all of that posturing never kept me safe. It never allowed me to open up either. It didn’t really have a purpose since it wasn’t protecting me from anything or anyone. My shoulders held the fortress for safe measure and the only one losing was me.
The colors came back into my life when I thrusted myself out in the world or when I walked in like I owned the place on the first day of kindergarten. I imagined wearing my favorite Wonderwoman superhero character backpack with matching lunch pail, Strawberry Shortcake outfit was on point, and the best homemade lunch (minus the apricot jelly). We own the place and the school of life, we just have to step into ourselves and on the periphery of giving less cares about what others think we should do, say or think. If we are living in alignment, all that extra gunk drops off the wayside.
Stepping into that place is by far the most challenging of destinations, but the magic is so good and holy pure. It’s where we find ourselves in the midst of asking what do we actually want, feel, do or need. Then offering up assistance to ourselves to get there - like a “hop in, I’ll take ya!” It may take a short drive, long drive, train or flight around the world. Then we can look back to see that our specific road will lead us to anywhere our heart desires. We all deserve that destination. And to arrive fully with our best outfits on point, a lunch pail packed with love with a note inside that says “You’ve arrived. It’s going to be a phenomenal day. Welcome back. Love, Yourself.”
Song: Survivor by 2WEI. This song + superpower cape of protection is my magic morning formula.
© Katie Baker 2024
